What to Expect in Therapy
If you’re thinking of starting therapy for yourself, congratulations! Personally, I think it’s one of the greatest investments in yourself that you could make. Starting therapy can feel like a daunting endeavor, one where you’ll be required to share about yourself, develop vulnerability, and increase a deeper sense of yourself. For many, therapy isn’t just essential, it’s life-changing.
First time therapy clients may find themselves anxious before starting therapy asking themselves, “Wait, what am I supposed to talk about?” Returning clients may come to sessions thinking they don’t have anything going on worth discussing, but inevitably, there are always thoughts and feelings to express or discover.
What’s Covered in Therapy
The simplest and most obvious answer is that clients can talk about whatever they want or whatever is bringing them to therapy in the first place. While the idea of talking about ‘whatever’ may feel liberating for some, others may find that concept intimidating. Having some jumping off points may prove helpful to those who are feeling intimidated or anxious. Creating a game plan prior to your first session by asking yourself, “Why did I decide to seek therapy now?” or “Where in my life am I getting stuck” can start conversation and exploration between you and your therapist. For most therapists, we use the first session to learn about you! We’ll ask you several background questions, what your current concerns are, and really just give you the open space to share about who you are. Don’t be worried if the first one or two sessions feel more like an interview than go-with-the-flow conversation. Therapists often are trying to assess the concern and get to know you through these questions!
Is it Normal for my Therapist to be Silent?
Therapists come in many different forms and often use varying approaches in their interactions with clients. Most therapists are very skilled at asking questions, noting patterns in the client’s thinking and behavior, and are equipped to guide conversation. For therapists that use more traditional, psychoanalytic approaches that encourage free association and less input from the therapist, your session may require you to do more of the work. Many clients find immense value in this approach since it often leads to unexpected topics or surprising insights, others may see their therapist’s lack of input distressing. In addition, some therapists believe strongly that work done outside of the therapy session is just as, if not more, important that what takes place during session. So, don’t be surprised if your therapist assigns you with a task between sessions. This could be a journal reflection, a behavioral logging task, implementing a new behavior or thought-process, or simply observing and noting experiences and reactions.
Because going to therapy is a wonderful investment, I suggest finding a therapist that feels like a natural (yet challenging) fit. Generally speaking, it takes about 3-5 sessions with a therapist to determine if you’re a good match with one another. You will want to feel that your therapy space is non-judgmental, compassionate, and yet challenges you to sit with your discomfort. In my opinion, a great therapist is one that feels like a close friend but not a friend who lets you create excuses in your life or tells you what you want to hear. No, a therapist of value will help you challenge your thoughts and beliefs in a way that promotes growth and change. If you’re not getting what you feel you want from your therapy sessions, be open with your therapist. Tell your therapist what you feel you’re needing and if they can give you that, great. If not, perhaps consider a switch!
One more thing on this, just remember, sometimes it’s when there is silence that your greatest work can be done. So don’t fear silence in your sessions, use it to your advantage!
Will My Therapist Judge Me?
Worrying about whether the therapist will judge you if you share something sensitive or unsavory is a common concern and completely normal. It’s natural to be hesitant and cautious to talk about vulnerable things let alone with someone you just met. Clients always have the power to discuss what they wish to and draw a boundary around things they don’t wish to talk about. While the therapist may have reason to believe the ‘off limits’ topic is where growth can happen, therapists should always respect a client’s boundary and pace. That said, effective therapy demands some discomfort. If you feel judged, talk to your therapist about how you’re feeling. It’s likely that the therapist isn’t judging you, but in the case that they are, you may realize it’s not a good match.
Therapists are human too. We have our own thoughts, beliefs, opinions, back stories, etc. Because of that, it’s important to note that a therapist’s reaction is different from judgment. Some therapists may even discuss their reactions with their clients. This kind of conversation can be productive for the therapeutic process when it’s openly expressed and handled between the client and therapist.
Therapy Outcomes
The hope for therapy is that clients come to realize the immense power of vulnerability, communication, and self-awareness. That’s where the magic of therapy happens - in the sharing of things that once felt unshareable.
Whether you’re in therapy short-term, long-term, or in and out over your lifetime, the hope is that you find value in your relationship with your therapist and in having such an open space to talk about your inner and outer experiences. Therapy truly is a relationship: one that can feel scary, comforting, safe, or uncertain. I always say, “Just show up for yourself and see what happens. Give yourself the chance to get to know yourself on the most intimate level while trusting your therapist to be your lighthouse.” Your therapist is there to guide you, support you, welcome you, and shed light on the topics that most need healing and transformation.
If you’re ready to start therapy and want to schedule a session, please click the Contact Form on this webpage to get the process started. If you’re a returning client, but it’s been a while, welcome back! I’m looking forward to walking on this path with you.